Valium Dreams
by Marree
Summary: This is a sad depressing Zell fic. Ever since Caleb Nova had a speech up a while back about the characters, the idea of portraying Zell as maybe having underlying problems that he hides was eating away at me. This and Intervention were the fics that resul


Valium Dreams  
by Mariye  
  
======  
Disclaimer: I don't own Zell, or FF8. Otherwise I would be a very   
happy girl and wouldn't have to go to college and become a teacher  
or a CG movie artist.  
A/N: I love Zell. Don't get me wrong. I mean, my two favorite  
characters are Zell and Irvine. Just I read Caleb Nova's speech and  
then I saw Sergeant Phoenix's Zell series and, well, this serious   
Zell fic and Intervention came out of it. If you don't wanna feel  
sad and depressed and hear about Zell dying, turn back now and go  
read Intervention instead.   
======  
  
Zell laid back in his bed.   
  
~I'm just going to fall asleep. Its a normal night. Nothing's   
different. Only this time I'll fall asleep and just won't wake up.  
No one will have to deal with me or fall over me or insult me or  
point out everything I have ever done wrong...~  
  
Zell rolled over and looked at the ceiling.  
  
~So why am I not tired?~  
  
[Zell!]  
  
~Wha?!?~  
  
Zell shot up in bed. His room looked like the small house in Timber   
they had stayed in after Seifer had attacked the president of  
Galbadia. Squall was standing at the end of the bed, facing him.   
Quistis and Selphie stood on the side, softly talking. Rinoa sat on   
a chair, head in her hands.  
  
"Squall?"  
  
[How could you say we were from Garden?]  
  
[You have endangered our whole mission Zell! Because of you, Galbadia,  
Trabia, and Balamb Gardens can be in danger!] Selphie looked at him  
with guilty eyes.  
  
"I... I just wasn't thinking!"  
  
[The problem is that as far as I've seen, you never think! If you   
had only just followed Squall. Maybe even Seifer would have been   
alive...] Rinoa looked up, then back at her feet.  
  
[I never should have let you take the SeeD exam. You aren't ready.  
You'll never be ready.] Quistis shook her head at him.  
  
"I didn't mean to! It was an accident. And Seifer lived Rinoa! It   
wasn't my fault!" Zell picked up a pillow and threw it at the figures.  
They disappeared into thin air, but the pillow remained in a lump  
on the floor.  
  
[Zell...]  
  
"Who's there! Just leave me alone!" Zell turned to his left, to see  
what was going on. Selphie stood their, crying, trying to wipe away  
the tears with her hands.  
  
"Selphie?"  
  
[How could you? If... if you hadn't said we were from Garden,   
Trabia it... it would have been okay! Everything would have been   
alright!]  
  
"Selphie... I..." Zell reached for the ghost, to try and comfort  
her. It faded at his touch.  
  
[Zell.]   
  
He saw a hand appear on his shoulder. It was the hand of one of the  
people he trusted most, who had backed him up so many times.  
  
"Quistis?"  
  
[If only you had finished the job at the Desert Prison. You tried to  
kill yourself there. Die the noble way. A way that would have made   
your family and friends proud. But you failed. You were brought back  
up. Save your friends by staying behind. Oh but you couldn't stay   
behind.]  
  
"I thought I could help them. And I made it, and you all seemed so   
happy and glad that I was there and able to help. So happy when   
we all got out."  
  
[Yeah, you were able to help. What have you done?] Quistis floated  
away.  
  
[Chicken Wuss. Always swatting flies. Never getting anything done.  
Well, you're finally getting things done. Or are you gonna chicken  
outta this too? You gonna dial up the infirmary and chicken out?]  
  
"I'm not a chicken!" Zell screamed at the top of his lungs. Seifer's  
apparition laughed. "I can do this."  
  
[Be a man? You're not your grandfather.]  
  
"Stop saying that!"  
  
[Its true. You're not him and you'll never be him.] Seifer faded   
away.  
  
"I tried to be him... I tried... but I couldn't. It was so hard."  
  
[You let us down.]  
  
"Squall. Make all this stop!"  
  
[You never could handle anything. Even when we left you behind when   
Quistis, Rinoa, and I went to the Lunar Base. If Edea hadn't pleaded  
on your behalf, I would have left Quistis in charge.]  
  
"I could handle it. I never got a chance."  
  
[Like Seifer says, you're a Chicken Wuss.]  
  
:::BANG BANG BANG:::  
  
"Zell? You okay? We heard screaming."  
  
"Squall?" Zell looked confused from the aparition to the door.  
  
[You couldn't even stop Lunatic Pandora when you had the chance.]  
  
"It wasn't my fault."  
  
[Pretty conveniant excuse.] Rinoa appeared by Squall.  
  
"Zell? Please open up. Are you alright?" Rinoa called from behind   
the door."  
  
[All these excuses Zell. Squall and I don't have time for it. We're  
leaving.] Rinoa and Squall faded away.  
  
"Don't leave me!" Zell cried out to the ghosts. Irvine and Selphie  
appeared.  
  
[We have each other too. Always a third wheel.]  
  
[Like I'd ever go out with someone like you Zell. C-ya!]  
  
Quistis showed up. [You were always the worst student I ever had.]  
  
Seifer appeared with the DC as she left. [I have better places to be.]  
  
Then, they were all gone.  
  
"Zell? ZELL!" Selphie pounded on the door.  
  
[You were never a good son. Always caused troubles. I sent you to  
Garden to get rid of you.]  
  
"Mom..." He reached for her, and she faded at his touch.  
  
Zell laid back. He turned his head and saw his Grandfather next to   
him.  
  
"Grandpa?"  
  
[You're weak. I expected more of you. Now look at yourself.]  
  
"I tried to make you proud."  
  
[You failed. Like always. I'm ashamed to be your grandfather.]  
  
"Don't say that!"  
  
"ZELL! IF YOU CAN HEAR US, OPEN THIS DOOR!" Quistis was sobbing and   
beating on the door.  
  
"Where's Irvine with the Master Key?" Seifer asked.  
  
[My daughter and her husband never should have adopted you.]  
  
...silence...  
  
The door burst open. Everyone ran in.  
  
"Zell!" They all yelled at different times as they ran to the   
pale figure on the bed.   
  
They were too late.  
======  
  
[the end]  
  
Kinda sad. Read Sergeant Phoenix's One Day at a Time series if you like  
stories where Zell actually has depth and isn't just a happy clown.  
It is sad though. 


End file.
